In Allah We Trust

No doubt Afghani Abdul Rachman must feel very comforted by the outcry and concern of western governments and fellow Christians who are petitioning to save him from being sentenced to death as a result of his insulting and humiliating Allah by having converted to Christianity sixteen years ago.

On the other hand, he might be feeling a tad miffed at the fact that these same governments (and many American Christians) encouraged, ratified and praised the Afghan constitution that may well seal his fate wherein it is stated in Article Three:

“In Afghanistan, no law can be contrary to the beliefs and provisions of the sacred religion of Islam.”

Damn! Never saw that coming! Dang it!

Oh well, never mind. The Afghan constitution was just a practice run anyway.
The Iraq constitution is way better! Just look at the Iraqi’s Article 3:

“Iraq is a multiethnic, multi-religious and multi-sect country. It is part of the Islamic world and its Arab people are part of the Arab nation.”

See? Nothing to worry about there! If that doesn’t sound democratic then I…hang on a sec…ummmm

Article (2): 1st – “Islam is the official religion of the state and is a basic source of legislation:
(a) No law can be passed that contradicts the undisputed rules of Islam.”

Double dang it! Shoot! Darn!

Maybe the third time’s a charm? What about the Palestinian constitution?

Article 7: “The principles of Islamic Shari’a are a major source for legislation. Civil and religious matters of the followers of monotheistic religions shall be organized in accordance with their religious teachings and denominations within the framework of law, while preserving the unity and independence of the Palestinian people.”

What the…!?
Is everyone cribbing off each other?
Don’t these people understand that religion and democracy don’t mix?
Have they learned nothing from George Bush?

IRAQ: Ship Out, or Shape Up?

The Iraqi government can’t govern, the Iraqi security forces can’t secure, and public services can’t serve the public.
The occupation forces occupy only enclaves from which they raid and to which they retreat.
The citizens are left to fend for themselves, trapped in a no-man's land between the local militias and the U.S. military.

Majorities in the U.S. and Iraq (including the U.S. troops) are keen for an American exit for a variety of reasons but are these wishes sensible, reasonable or just emotional?
With Iraq nearly or already in a state of civil war would a U.S. departure help stabilize or improve the situation or would it accelerate a descent into further chaos?

If the US were to leave “immediately” then there will indeed be a full blown civil war as each interested group will seek to gain control and establish their own order and primacy. These groups will probably seek, and will certainly be offered, support from foreign neighbors who will also likely attempt to influence the situation regardless. The US would be politically emasculated (as if it weren’t already).

If the US “stays the course” the sectarian violence will continue. The US will have the options of supporting one group and destroying another, or trying to destroy all militants. The latter option might actually force the rivals into a coalition against the US forces, so the former choice might be “preferable”.

If successful the supported victors will have to be magnanimous to the beaten rival to mitigate inevitable resentment and concomitant problems. It’s anyone’s guess whether that would actually happen. There is also the possibility that the general Iraqi population, sick of war, sick of the occupation, sick of the government and sick of the sectarianism might create a popular uprising; but with no particular authority to rebel against or negotiate with, such an effort would be long and bloody too.

There are two options that have yet to be discussed publicly:

One is to abandon the rest of the country to civil war and redeploy and consolidate US forces to the South where a concerted effort to rebuild infrastructure, order and good governance might provide a working example desirable enough to be adopted or demanded by the rest of the country in time.

The other option is to get serious. Deploy far more forces to provide sufficient security and control to allow political and physical infrastructure to develop and take root. Such an effort might even elicit support from other countries after a while.

Both of these latter options would require a complete change of attitude, management and leadership in the U.S. Such a change cannot realistically occur before 2008. In the meantime the violence and resentment will continue. Should such a change occur it would take time to organize and years to implement.

These are the options as I see them.

The last option is of course what should have happened in the first place had the U.S. administration been sincere in its declared aims and reasons. It is now the most difficult of the options to undertake. I’m inclined to think it would be the “best”. But whether it is really possible, I’ve no idea.

There are particulars to each of these options that I've chosen to ignore for the sake of brevity but which could significantly alter the possible outcome of any course of action (such as how and in what manner would the US forces leave, or what would happen to all the prisoners in US custody?).

But in broad terms that's the view from my armchair. What's yours?

So....Tired!

According to Washington Post staffer Peter Baker the good folks in the White House are plumb tuckered-out from all the hard work that they do.

"Of all the reasons that President Bush is in trouble these days, not to be overlooked are inadequate REM cycles."



Of course! It’s the long hours and lack of sleep that have been causing all the problems, not the other way round!
No wonder Bush has taken more days off than any other President in history; like he said, "it’s hard work."
The administration is probably skipping breakfast too!

So now we have a perfectly reasonable explanation for Bush constantly falling of his bike and the country being driven into a ditch every other week, what’s to be done?

Guzzling handfuls of No-Doz is one option, but I’d suggest a long vacation instead.

Maybe then I could get a decent night's sleep. too.
And come to think of it

"Fool me twice--won't get fooled again!"

Hello, America? This is George W Bush.

Would you be interested in supporting a strategy for winning the War in Iraq? I'm not asking you to donate your first-born or your financial future--I have those already-- all I'm asking is for you to pledge your few remaining brain cells to believing in me and my strategy! I'd really appreciate your support!

"....The number you have reached is unavailable...please try again...."

George Bush will begin a series of speeches next week explaining to the American public the Administration’s strategy for winning the war in Iraq.

Apparently the White House is counting on the previously demonstrated dimwittery of the American public to somehow boost support for Bush and the Republicans in light of the latest damning polls that the President regularly insists are the products of special-interest focus groups.

If I remember correctly the original strategy for winning the war in Iraq was to cruise to Baghdad in some pimped-out wheels, hook-up the "bra’s" with some sweet deals on the down-low and then alternately chill, par-tay and rake in some righteous bread.

When that didn’t work the strategy became popping caps in the local buzz-kills or just fuckin’ wit’ em, old-school an' fraternity-style!

When that strategy delivered results that "no-one could have predicted", the "situation on the ground" demanded a new strategy--the National Strategy for Victory in Iraq published and speechified in November 2005 which explained how well the previous strategies had worked out and how together they would work even better by being written-down retroactively.

However, that was then and this is now.

As General Pace said just the other day things in Iraq are "going pretty well" (at least as well as Carrie’s prom) and he should know because he’s a fucking General, goddammit! BUT on the other hand Pace's boss Donald Rumsfeld said that he military's information offices, operating mostly eight hours a day, five or six days a week weren't keeping up with the terrorists who get their messages out to the media 24 hours a day, seven days a week, resulting in a "dangerous deficiency" for the US.

So with more dead Iraqis and terrorists than dead Americans, but with harder-working live Iraqi terrorist bloggers journalists and pundits than live American bloggers, journalists and pundits the White House is responding with with a new strategy.

And what is this new strategy? Just like the President, it’s very simple:

The strategy is to explain that there IS A STRATEGY, which is of course to explain that there is a strategy, which is the strategy!. And the strategy is to win! Got that? Good! Now back to the polls and give the the right answers this time! If you don't, we'll lose this war and it will be all your fault!

And don't think you''l be able to come crying back to me when some freedom-hating islamiac flies a nuclear bomb into your trailer-home and then stands by whilst liberals force your daughter to have an abortion and bans Christmas! You've been warned!

The United State of Texas

Tom Delay delivering his new campaign slogan "Fuck You, Bitch!" .

This week’s Texas GOP national congressional nomination race was the first in over 20 years in which observers thought Tom Delay might face some competition on account of being indicted on some very serious charges.

Throughout, Delay expressed complete confidence in retaining his position and dadgammit, he won!
Ever gracious in victory Delay said in a statement:

"Not only did they [the voters] reject the politics of personal destruction, but they strongly rejected the candidates who used those Democrat tactics as their platform."


Apparently advisers scratched-out "Now kneeeeeell before ZOD!" at the last minute.

Anyhoo, the big story isn’t that Texan Republicans exhibited classic "battered wife syndrome" courtesy of "The Hammer"; oh no, not at all!

The big story is buried in this little tidbit concerning the race between fellow Democrats Henry Cuellar and Ciro Rodriguez in the one and only Texas district without a Republican challenger.

As the AP casually mentions it:

With about 69 percent of precincts reporting, Cuellar had 16,705 votes, or 49 percent, compared with Rodriguez, who had 15,408 votes, or 45 percent. It was unclear when the race would be decided. The tabulation of early votes in a key county was delayed because of voting-machine software problems, election officials said.

Clearly Democrats can't run their own elections properly (never mind that the entire process from soup to nuts is run and owned by the Republicans)

The Republican run-off apparently went without a hitch.

In 2000 it was Florida that determined the Presidential election.
In 2004 it was Ohio.
In 2008 ? Take a guess!

Cricket Chirping

Photo: Charles Dharapal-AP

Bush having a go at cricket on his recent India/Pakistan trip.
Very sensibly he's being tossed tennis balls, not a cricket ball (which is the same weight as a regulation baseball--5-1/2 oz--but something like twice as hard).
He's off the crease (meaning he's not protecing the wicket behind him) which is understandable.
Interestingly the wicket has no "bails"--horizontal rods that fit atop and across the wicket that fly off when the wicket is hit ( making it plain that the batsman has been bowled out).


No doubt Bush was briefed on the game of cricket for his trip and it may have gone something like this:

Cricket Explained

There are of course two sides.

The game begins with one side being in, but that doesn’t mean the other side is out.

The players who are in are bowled six balls at a time, which is called an over.

When the over is over, one of the players on the side that is in may now be out.
So the player who is out goes in because he’s out whilst another player from the side that’s in goes out because he’s now in.

If both players who are in go out, then they both go in whilst two more players from the side that’s in go out to be in until they are out and so on.

When the side that was in are all out, the side that wasn’t in (but wasn't out of course) goes out and tries to stay in whilst the side that was in but is now out comes out and tries to get the side that is now in, out.

Of course if the side that is in still has players who are in when the overs are over, those players are declared not out, but they can’t stay in because the other side has to go out because they are in and the side that was in, even though they aren’t out, are out and have to come in.

So that side then comes in and the other side goes out because they are now in.

Then it’s time for tea so both sides, whether in or out or somewhere in-between, come in before they go out again.

The game isn’t over until both sides have been in and out and all the overs are over, unless one side, in or out, declares that the game is over because there aren’t enough overs left to go out and stay in.

The winner is often the side that has been in more than out with more not-outs when the overs are over, or even when the overs aren’t over but the game is.

Best Presidential Library Ever! Exclusive Pix!

Even if God forgets to anoint Bush President for Life in 2008 at least one other prophecy is bound to come true; the building of the George W. Bush Best Presidential Library Ever!

Fundraising has already begun with a letter-writing campaign managed by both the IRS and Department of Homeland Security urging private individuals to contribute in a spirit of God-fearing patriotism. Individuals can also expect phone calls and personal visits .


Media personalities are expected to lend their weight to a marketing blitz that will feature glorious retrospectives of Bush’s achievements as well as interviews with and between key players in the administration such as Michelle Malkin, Ann Coulter, Tim Russert, Jeff Gannon, Chris Matthews, Charles Krauthammer, Tony Blankley, Matt Drudge, Michael Savage, Rush Limbaugh, Neil Cavuto, Laura Ingraham, Ted Sampley and many, many, many, many, many, many, many……………………..many, many, many, many more.

Well–heeled potential donors will be wooed with $5,000-per-plate dinners, gift-baskets of Indian casino profits, lifetime subscriptions to the Appropriations Committee and a 1500% refund.

The Board of Directors of the Best Presidential Library Ever Or Else Fund (whose names can’t be revealed for security reasons) estimate that the project will cost between $170,000 and $623 billion, depending on the final design and who's doing the actual counting..

Design concepts have already been received from all over Texas but the committee overseeing the design insists that there a plenty of options left on the table.

"We’re not telling the designer’s what to do or how to think about the project" said one anonymous source who looked incredibly familiar, "we’re open to any suggestions they might have. Of course, we’ll be monitoring things closely and will bring to justice anyone who submits a design that doesn’t conform to our rules, which naturally are a closely-guarded secret".

Whilst the Right Design Approval Committee’s rules may be a secret, this reporter has managed to acquire some recently submitted design proposals along with the Approval Committee’s comments from an insider close to the project (whose family and loved-ones will definitely be in our thoughts and prayers in the coming days).


But enough of that! Let’s see the pix!


Entry #6
Commitee comment:

This is NOT supposed to be about Dick Cheney!
However, keep on file.
Could work for the Vice-President's wing










Entry #17
Commmitee Comment:

Derivative! Looks like a rip-off of the Bagdhad Embassy.

On the other hand if we lost the sandbags, added more spikes and maybe some anti-aircraft missiles on top it could work for the Visitor's Centre. Keep on file.







Entry #43
Commitee comment:

Best entry yet!

Resolutely piercing a decaying world and thrusting up to the heavens I can just imagine the faithful gazing up at this enormous erection, grateful just to touch and stroke its powerful shaft whilst Bush's mighty ball, suspended above their flushed faces hangs tantalizingly in it's greatness.
Plus, that looks like the Death Star, doesn't it?
Star Wars, Reagan, Bush, ultimate planet destroying power! It all fits!
We'll need some lasers though.
Discuss with Rummy.

Shortlist.

Bye, Bye, Miss American Lie....

"…Drove my Chevy to the levee---but no one anticipated the levees would be breached"










"There’s nothing new in these (AP-acquired, government agency teleconferences concerning Katrina) tapes.
" Move along now, nothing to see…" say the White House propagandists.


They are right, actually. There is nothing "new" in these tapes.

There’s nothing new in Bush failing to lead (or even to participate) when faced with a national emergency. There's nothing new about his willful negligence.
There's nothing new about his mendacious "appreciation of folks" who were trying to prevent disaster or those who were victims; nothing new in his lies about what he knew and when he knew it; nothing new in his criminal negligence and depraved disregard for the people he had sworn, under oath, to serve.

What is "new" though, is that the evidence is now plain and it is public.

There is now a public record of what was known and what was possible and what was being said and done.
And then there is the public record of what we were told was known, and told what was said and told what was done.

Where did this evidence come from?

Not from the Republican controlled Houses of Congress who are supposed to represent the people.
Not from the President who is elected to serve the people.
It came from an unknown cadre of career civil servants who can no longer resolve the words of this government with its deeds; who can no longer reconcile the difference between what they know and what the public is told and still maintain their conscience.

Whilst politicians vote themselves raises every year regardless, whilst they serve their own egos and their own interests and sign book deals and go on paid speaking tours, and take vacations and recesses from their "work", the thousands who work at the pleasure of their politically appointed bosses, who investigate the issues and compile the reports that the politicians are supposed to use to fulfill their sworn duty to serve the public have clearly had enough of the lies, the deceit and the threats that have become the "stock in trade" of this venal, corrupt, incompetent, vindictive and criminal administration.

The real public servants, the real patriots are the hardworking "unknowns" of the government that are now rising up and revealing the truth about the "state of the union".
They have finally had enough. And so, I hope, have we.

It Polls for Thee

The steamship NewsMax, thought to be unsinkable, irreparably damaged after striking an icy-cold FACT, begins its tortured journey into the abyss.
Only the most privileged of those "on-board" survived. Over 1400 other souls, most of them in steerage, went down with the ship--ironically in plain sight of the rescue ships, "Reason" and "Logic".

Should U.A.E. Firm Run US Ports?

NewsMax.com, one of America's leading online news services, is conducting an urgent national online poll.
Days after ABC News asked the question in a representative poll and found that 70% said NO!
NewsMax will provide the results of this poll to major media.
Who have already recieved the ABC News poll that found that 70% said NO!
Additionally, NewsMax's results will be shared with every major radio talk show host in America.
Limbaugh, O'Reilly, Hannity, Medved, Savage etc....
NewsMax reports have been cited by national major media, including Fox News, CNN and MSNBC.
"Cited" aint always a good thing. People get cited for parking tickets and speeding, you know. They are called citations, and they ain't always diplomas or engraved lucite doo-dads honoring a job well done.
Don't miss this opportunity to let your voice be heard! Many media outlets and national leaders are interested in your opinion. (But not the President) Hundreds of media outlets have reported on NewsMax's online polls. (And handfuls of them don't think they are crap!) Your vote does count! (except when it really counts).
NewsMax is conducting one of the first online polls about the U.S. approved deal to allow a U.A.E. firm to operate 6 U.S. ports. (You know, the deal that isn't actually approved yet and that 70% of the public don't want to have approved, and by "one of the first" we mean, like, the twentieth)
We want to know what you really think about this controversy. (Because all the other polls are clearly unscientific and the majority of Republicans who oppose the deal are just confused) Key media sources and others want to know your opinion. (Since when?) Vote today! (And while you are at it, why not vote on who has done more for world peace--Jesus or George Bush?)

Arroz con Buffo

WASHINGTON (AP) – Condoleezza Rice, the nation's top diplomat, is appearing in a three-part TV interview (conducted by NBC’s Washington affiliate) in which she rides a bike, works on her abs, pumps iron and talks about her weight."

What? No footage of her brushing her famous teeth, taking a colonic or enjoying a post-workout shower, slowly massaging foamy cleansing gel all over her lissome body as rivulets of hot steamy water trickle down between her….?

Samantha von Sperling, a New York-based image consultant whose customers include politicians, was skeptical. She admires Rice, but finds this all to be a bit "Oprah-esque."
"It just strikes me as, what's the point?" she said. "Why do I need to see her in Spandex? It has nothing to do with the quality of her mind. And if she were a man, they wouldn't have asked her to do the story."

This from an image-consultant! What is the world coming to? Samantha clearly forgot to check her brain at the door.

Others argued that given the nation's weight problem, some role modeling couldn't hurt.

DAMN STRAIGHT! Look at all the fat chicks featured in movies , on television and in magazines! They aren't regular people! How can anyone possibly relate to them? Condi on the other hand...is so real! I mean, look at her hair! It's not just real, its super-real!

"It's enormously encouraging to other folks who have very busy lives," said Alicia Moag-Stahlberg, executive director of Action for Healthy Kids, a coalition of more than 40 health and education agencies.

All-righty then! Should Ms. Rice pull a hamstring or something, Alicia Moag-Stahlberg sounds perfectly qualified to fill-in as Secretary of State for a couple of weeks.

The first segment aired Wednesday on Washington's NBC affiliate. Now all the people working on their belt line inside the Beltway can see how the secretary of state does it.

Does what? Pedalling really fast, forwards and backwards. without going anywhere?

So is this uplifting? Unbecoming? Either way, Rice may be playing to a converted audience. Wednesday's segment aired at 5:45 a.m.
At that hour, only the deeply committed are exercising.
At least now, there's something healthy on TV to watch.

Yup, there’s nothing healthier than watching a supple, sweaty, light skinned Nubian Secretary of State exercise on TV, so you don’t have to. It’s a vital part of her job.

(You know, if Elizabeth Vargas had written this piece instead of some anonymous AP reporter, we all would have been spared the vicious and uncalled-for comments of the treasonous east-coast elitist Samantha Von Sperling).