Thursday, August 07, 2008

National (Lampoon) Vacation

(Above 'photoon' is original to this blog but if used by others a credit/link would be appreciated)

If it’s August (which it is) then it’s that time of year again when George W. Bush puts down his deluxe armadillo-skin Veto-Matic-brand Unitary Executive pen (the one with the silver spoon clip and that uses oil for ink) to take yet another lengthy official vacation.

What with rising unemployment, failing banks, record gasoline prices, record foreclosures, a record national debt, a record budget deficit, record manufacturing losses, a record number of under-insured and uninsured, record incarceration (even for politicians!), record price increases on basic foods, records in produce contamination, record lows for the dollar on the international market, record domestic spying and two continuing wars draining money from the economy at record rates, you might think that the President maybe doesn’t deserve a vacation.

You would of course be wrong (and probably a gay Nazi socialist Islamo-fascist pro-tree librul fringe America-hater as well).

To paraphrase George Bush in the aftermath of 9/11: “When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping!”

When Katrina cut its deadly swath through New Orleans the president’s actions spoke volumes; “When the going gets tough, the tough go barbecuing!”

When the death toll of US troops in Iraq hit 4000 without any appreciable result for their sacrifices the President essentially declared “When the going gets tough, the tough give-up golfing!”.

Ordinary people might take stock of such situations and work towards mitigating their deleterious effects, but George Bush is no ordinary people…person…---he’s a leader and as a leader his primary job is to maintain his optimism and thus the nation’s optimism, in the face of adversity. Maintaining such optimism is “hard work” and as everyone should appreciate the obvious reward for hard work is a nice long vacation.

But George Bush isn’t just taking a vacation for himself---he’s selflessly relaxing on behalf of the whole country! That's just the authentic kind of guy he is!

As non-working citizens leave their foreclosed neighborhoods every morning to prove American competitiveness with illegal immigrant workers, they will be inspired by George’s example:

“One day” (they will say to themselves), “I too will be able to free myself from the bonds of servitude, the constraints of arbitrary search and seizure, the tyranny of taxation without representation and the suppression of inalienable human rights by a distant power-elite, and as the Intelligent Designer is my witness, I shall take a vacation again!” (I swear this reminds of something, but I can't think what!)

With the US on the verge of a psychological breakdown (as astutely noted by Senators John McCain and Phil Gramm) it is essential for the security and future of the nation that George W. Bush takes a vacation not just for himself but for all Americans...and America's allies too!.

If George weren’t so dedicated to the welfare of this nation and instead failed to take a vacation, there’s no telling what might happen if he stayed behind his desk in Washington.

As Bush himself has pretty-much said one way or another over the last eight years:

“You don’t change horses in the bottom of the ninth when you’re on the last down and you’ve got a free throw with two seconds on the clock that’s attached to a dirty bomb set to explode in Punxatawney when your first-responders' radios don’t work because Arabic-speaking FBI agents threaten Republican marriages because their gayness makes the baby Jesus cry and prevents gynecologists from practicing their love due to frivolous lawsuits that drive up the price of oil and encourage socialized animal-human cloning by Cadillac-driving welfare queens.”

For years now libruls have been trying to get Bush out of the Oval Office, but when he does take a vacation they then complain he should be back at work!! Hey libruls, hypocriticize much?!

In these difficult times libruls should stop their obstructionist shenanigans and let Bush lead the nation towards a deserved vacation from not only present problems but the last 7-1/2 years of “hard work”.

Just because President Bush already holds the record for the most frequent and the longest vacations doesn’t mean he should relax in his efforts to relax---that would be like Barry Bonds quitting steroids once he’d beaten Hank Aaron’s home-run record!

At a time when the US faces economic problems not seen since the Great Depression whilst it fights a war as pointless and expensive as Vietnam the last thing America and the world needs is a president, denied a well-deserved vacation, being forced to make executive decisions when he knows in his gut that there’s still brush that needs a-clearin’ at the old homestead.

If the phrase “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” isn’t just an old-timey way of saying “hey kids, we’re all going to Wally-World!” then I don’t know what is!

And besides what’s more fundamentally American than enjoying yourself in the present whilst you can and letting the future take care of itself?

So to all the nattering nabobs of negativism I say let the President take the kind of vacation from the White House that we all can only dream about---six months sounds about right. If we all let Bush have his own way, just this once, then we’ll all be better-off.