Friday, February 09, 2007

It Polls For Thee

Of all George Bush’s many hobbies (such as pretending, hoping, praying, believing, and decidering being just a few) his most favoritest is ignoring—his dad, responsibility, reason, the Constitution and of course, polls.

And well he should as his approval rating in the US has lately been no higher than 30%.

Let me put it this way: If ten randomly selected Americans got on a plane piloted by George Bush, seven of them would rush the cockpit.

Well, now there’s a new poll for Bush to ignore.

Every year a survey of six Arab countries is conducted in which the respondents are asked this simple question: Who do you dislike the most? The respondents aren’t given a list of likely people they’d dislike but are free to choose absolutely anyone.

And the winner is…

George Dubya Bush!

The award invariably goes to whoever is the Israeli Prime Minister but this year for the first time ever an American president has received this distinction! (In fact Bush got more votes than Ehmud Olmert and ex-Israeli PM Ariel Sharon combined--kudos to the comatose Sharon for such a strong showing!).

Congratulations, George! All that freedomating and democratizing finally paid-off!

The mystery prize package will be addressed to you, George W. Bush, but when you hear the doorbell ring don’t bother to get up, don’t ask for whom the bell tolls—the American people will get it.

Monday, February 05, 2007

RIght-Wing 'Comedy' Kills Me!

Over at the very estimable Red Tory blog a lengthy discussion ensued as to the amusement-ocity or some-such of right-wing 'comedians'.
Red Tory and about 50 commenters all posited that right-wing politics and humor are about as compatible as fried eggs and the floor.

But long-time (yet plucky) Red Tory heckler 'Biff' countered that there was at least one (well, only one...) right-wing comedian to counter the thousands of lefty comedians—none other than Dennis Miller who Biff thinks is “very, very funny.”

Whilst I was impressed that Biff didn’t also offer up self-appointed-comedians-when-they-risk-hate-speech-lawsuits Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh, I couldn’t agree less with Biff.
Dennis Miller is the Hillary Clinton of right-wing comedy—both Miller and Clinton are the only names everyone recognizes but only half of everyone actually likes.

Nonetheless the right-wing does in fact have a pantheon of brilliant humorists who, like the jazziest of jazz musicians, are really only appreciated by those who listen beyond what sounds like random noise and in the discordant melee of invented musical notes, find elements of fundamental truthinessand thus joy.

Without a doubt the Miles Davis’s and Stockhausen’s of right-wing fundamental funsters are of course Bill O'Reilly, John Gibson and Neil Cavuto of Rupert Murdoch's Fair and Balanced Circus.

I’ll report their latest comedic stylings, and let you decide:

From Bill O’Reilly--(the Jack Benny of Fox, master of the deadpan delivery)

"For my money, pardon the pun, capitalism is a good thing. It gives opportunity to people like me who started with zero money to work our way up…Republicans generally believe you should work for what you get and not take other people's money."

From John Gibson--(Fox's Jerry Seinfield; just two shallow observations can be turned into an entire episode of comedic gold):

"I like ‘Big Oil’-company profits because I think every American should have the opportunity to buy shares in a hugely profitable enterprise, as the oil companies have demonstrated they are."

From Neil Cavuto--Fox News'..umm…Tony Danza? Or maybe Beaver Cleaver? (OMG I just realized how hilarious that name is for an 8-year old boy!)

"Two years. It's a long time. But to most in the media, it's a waste of time. Too little to get too much done—so he's [Bush] done. I don't know about you, but two years is a pretty long time to me.
That's about two-thirds of JFK's entire presidency. That's two Thanksgivings. Two Christmases. Two New Years. Two years from now we'll be two years older than we are now. A lot can happen in that time. Look what's happened in the last two years. Two years ago Pope John Paul II was alive. So was Terri Schiavo — remember her?"

Dennis Miller isn't even fit to be smeared by these comedic geniuses. And why? Because Dennis Miller tries to be ironic whereas O'Reilly, Cavuto and Gibson were born ironic! ( And they don't do "blue" material!)

Funny?!! Funny like looking for non-existent WMD's under your desk!

And that’s just Common Sense, My Word and today’s Most Ridiculous Item.