National (Lampoon) Vacation

(Above 'photoon' is original to this blog but if used by others a credit/link would be appreciated)

If it’s August (which it is) then it’s that time of year again when George W. Bush puts down his deluxe armadillo-skin Veto-Matic-brand Unitary Executive pen (the one with the silver spoon clip and that uses oil for ink) to take yet another lengthy official vacation.

What with rising unemployment, failing banks, record gasoline prices, record foreclosures, a record national debt, a record budget deficit, record manufacturing losses, a record number of under-insured and uninsured, record incarceration (even for politicians!), record price increases on basic foods, records in produce contamination, record lows for the dollar on the international market, record domestic spying and two continuing wars draining money from the economy at record rates, you might think that the President maybe doesn’t deserve a vacation.

You would of course be wrong (and probably a gay Nazi socialist Islamo-fascist pro-tree librul fringe America-hater as well).

To paraphrase George Bush in the aftermath of 9/11: “When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping!”

When Katrina cut its deadly swath through New Orleans the president’s actions spoke volumes; “When the going gets tough, the tough go barbecuing!”

When the death toll of US troops in Iraq hit 4000 without any appreciable result for their sacrifices the President essentially declared “When the going gets tough, the tough give-up golfing!”.

Ordinary people might take stock of such situations and work towards mitigating their deleterious effects, but George Bush is no ordinary people…person…---he’s a leader and as a leader his primary job is to maintain his optimism and thus the nation’s optimism, in the face of adversity. Maintaining such optimism is “hard work” and as everyone should appreciate the obvious reward for hard work is a nice long vacation.

But George Bush isn’t just taking a vacation for himself---he’s selflessly relaxing on behalf of the whole country! That's just the authentic kind of guy he is!

As non-working citizens leave their foreclosed neighborhoods every morning to prove American competitiveness with illegal immigrant workers, they will be inspired by George’s example:

“One day” (they will say to themselves), “I too will be able to free myself from the bonds of servitude, the constraints of arbitrary search and seizure, the tyranny of taxation without representation and the suppression of inalienable human rights by a distant power-elite, and as the Intelligent Designer is my witness, I shall take a vacation again!” (I swear this reminds of something, but I can't think what!)

With the US on the verge of a psychological breakdown (as astutely noted by Senators John McCain and Phil Gramm) it is essential for the security and future of the nation that George W. Bush takes a vacation not just for himself but for all Americans...and America's allies too!.

If George weren’t so dedicated to the welfare of this nation and instead failed to take a vacation, there’s no telling what might happen if he stayed behind his desk in Washington.

As Bush himself has pretty-much said one way or another over the last eight years:

“You don’t change horses in the bottom of the ninth when you’re on the last down and you’ve got a free throw with two seconds on the clock that’s attached to a dirty bomb set to explode in Punxatawney when your first-responders' radios don’t work because Arabic-speaking FBI agents threaten Republican marriages because their gayness makes the baby Jesus cry and prevents gynecologists from practicing their love due to frivolous lawsuits that drive up the price of oil and encourage socialized animal-human cloning by Cadillac-driving welfare queens.”

For years now libruls have been trying to get Bush out of the Oval Office, but when he does take a vacation they then complain he should be back at work!! Hey libruls, hypocriticize much?!

In these difficult times libruls should stop their obstructionist shenanigans and let Bush lead the nation towards a deserved vacation from not only present problems but the last 7-1/2 years of “hard work”.

Just because President Bush already holds the record for the most frequent and the longest vacations doesn’t mean he should relax in his efforts to relax---that would be like Barry Bonds quitting steroids once he’d beaten Hank Aaron’s home-run record!

At a time when the US faces economic problems not seen since the Great Depression whilst it fights a war as pointless and expensive as Vietnam the last thing America and the world needs is a president, denied a well-deserved vacation, being forced to make executive decisions when he knows in his gut that there’s still brush that needs a-clearin’ at the old homestead.

If the phrase “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” isn’t just an old-timey way of saying “hey kids, we’re all going to Wally-World!” then I don’t know what is!

And besides what’s more fundamentally American than enjoying yourself in the present whilst you can and letting the future take care of itself?

So to all the nattering nabobs of negativism I say let the President take the kind of vacation from the White House that we all can only dream about---six months sounds about right. If we all let Bush have his own way, just this once, then we’ll all be better-off.

Sobriety Test

Who would you rather have a beer with?

That was how the competition for the Presidency was summed-up by our press in 2004 and the electorate supposedly chose to have a beer with an un-recovered alcoholic who wouldn’t shut-up, never made a lick of sense, never bought a round, lost every bar-bet and refused to pay up and then challenged everyone to a fight.
Now, as the bell for last-orders is being rung, our drinking buddy is preparing to piss on the juke-box and throw-up by the front door just before catching a stretch limousine home whilst we have to pay the tab and clean-up.

It’s weird; he seemed like such a decent, regular guy when we first met him. And as we stagger home feeling the onset of a massive hangover, we swear, on three-thousand eight-hundred and something graves, that we’re never going to do that again!

Bush’s New Excuse?—If We Leave Iraq, Iran Will Threaten World Peace!

Bush’s recent speech to the American Legion in which he said that allowing Iran to pursue “technology that could lead to nuclear weapons threatens to put a region already known for instability and violence under the shadow of a nuclear holocaust” sounds mighty familiar of course.

Now whilst a majority of Americans have finally wised-up to Bush’s crap, the fact that his year-long campaign to push Iran as the next great “threat” has had no takers beyond the usual suspects doesn’t mean a damn. He's still keen on bombing Iran.

As everything Bush has EVER done or said clearly demonstrates, he doesn’t give a shit about what the majority public thinks or needs; manufacturing support for the Iraq invasion was merely useful but now with his established “executive powers” he’s perfectly capable of doing whatever he wants without public support—all he needs is his “Beltway” enablers, of which he has many, too attack Iran.

Interestingly (and scarily) he may have an accidental ally in Iranian President Ahmadinejad:

"The political power of the occupiers is collapsing rapidly," Ahmadinejad said at a press conference apparently after Bush’s American Legion speech, referring to US troops in Iraq. "Soon, we will see a huge power vacuum in the region. Of course, we are prepared to fill the gap, with the help of neighbors and regional friends like Saudi Arabia, and with the help of the Iraqi nation."

This quote may serve Bush well—not in reality, but in his mind and the minds of his warmongering supporters: in addition to the threat of Iran as a nuclear power, Bush could now parse these words to argue even more forcefully for the continued occupation of Iraq; the reasoning would be that an Iran with nuclear ambitions intends to “fill the gap” that would be left by a US withdrawal, take over Iraq and its oil and finance yet more global terrorism!

I’ll go out on what may be a very short limb here and predict that Bush will publicly make this connection in the next two weeks.

Such a connection would actually make no sense to the well-informed, but then that’s never been the US’s nor George’s strong point, has it?

UPDATE (8/30) :

"To a person, they said there would be genocide, gas prices in the U.S. would rise to eight or nine dollars a gallon, al-Qaida would continue its expansion, and Iran would take over that portion of the world if we leave," [John]Porter (R-Nevada) said Wednesday in a phone interview from Las Vegas.

That's one ( not from the WH though)...we'll see if this progresses

Going Gonzo

" I need to spend more time with....ehhh..Morgan Fairchild...yeah, that's it...Morgan Fairchild...yeah."

"The unfair treatment that he's been on the receiving end of has been a distraction for the department," the official said.

This Friday Alberto Gonzalez handed George Bush his resignation and with his characteristic smirk asked the President to “spot” him his share of their burrito lunch, explaining that he was now unemployed and he wouldn’t be getting his social security check for another three weeks.


Gonzalez said that the weeks of interrogation by various congressional committees had been “torture”.

He went on to say that he believed he may have resigned to “give someone else a chance” but he was sure his ouster wasn’t politically motivated.
Asked when he had made the decision to fire himself he said he couldn’t recall, nor was he certain of the criteria he used in his decision but he was certain that incompetence wasn’t a factor.

BREAKING! GONZO LEAVES NATION’S KIDS TREMBLING IN FEAR!

“I’m not going to resign. I’m going to stay focused on protecting our kids.. The department is responsible for protecting our kids, for making our neighborhoods safe, for protecting our country against attacks of terrorism, to going after gangs, going after drug dealers. I’m staying focussed on that” –Alberto Gonzalez (March 22, 2007)

Without Alberto Gonzalez to protect them, millions of children across the nation broke down in tears and clutched their dollies in fear of gangs of drug dealing terrorist immigrants.


President Bush, after accepting Gonzalez’s resignation finished his burrito, read Plato’s Republic, went cycling, cleared some brush and stared at a cow before exercising his recess powers to appoint Marvin Monroe as Psychologist General.

Asked why it had taken him 36 hours to act, the President explained that he didn’t want to scare the kids “and besides”, he added, “Gonzo’s always joking around. When he gave me his resignation I thought he was just trying to get out of paying for lunch. Look…if I listened to everything everyone
told me, Iraq wouldn’t have been freedomized—in other words, oceans don’t protect us and that’s why we’re over there! And that's why I'm doing a heck of a job—it’s called leadership!”

George Will Links Republicans, Neo-Cons, to Nazis

“Come September, America might slip closer toward a Weimar moment. It would be milder than the original but significantly disagreeable.
After the First World War, politics in Germany's new Weimar Republic were poisoned by the belief that the army had been poised for victory in 1918 and that one more surge could have turned the tide. Many Germans bitterly concluded that the political class, having lost its nerve and will to win, capitulated. The fact that fanciful analysis fed this rancor did not diminish its power”.

So writes George Will in his latest Washington Post Op-Ed.

Will is referring to the myth used by military leaders to explain Germany’s surrender which was negotiated by the civilian politicians.
The German military claimed they had never been defeated and would have “won" WWI if not for their betrayal by the civilian government suing for peace, which the generals termed a “stab-in the back” (or Dolchstosslegende)

The facts were that the Germans simply reached the limit of their resources and could fight no longer. The British Navy blockaded German ports preventing supplies from their small empire and outmaneuvered and out-gunned the Kriegsmarine. The Tank broke through the trench defenses, forcing German retreat. The British Army was able to deploy troops from all over the empire (and the Irish served in large numbers and with distinction) and the US provided a very useful replenishment.

Thanks to the blockade the greatest priority was given to the military; the civilian Germans lost fuel, transportation and eventually food to the war effort, and began to starve whilst inflation took hold. The war was simply unsustainable.

But rather than blame the policy that had created the war, the generals blamed the policy that ended it—focusing particularly on liberal intellectuals (which included many Jews of course). Hitler made much use of the “stab-n-the-back” myth to rise to and maintain his power.
This same argument is being used by Bush now in his nonsensical comparison of the “lessons” of Vietnam with the current state of Iraq; and by the Republican and neocon cheerleaders insisting on yet more Friedman units else America will lose--thanks to the liberal intellectuals defeatist policies, not the original flawed policy and gross mismanagement that has led us to this pass.

I’m not sure George Will really meant to compare Bush and his “advisers” and the GOP to the warmongering, racist, authoritarian, militaristic, intolerant and vainglorious Nazis (otherwise I'm sure he'd have included 'Nazi in the title), but when you try to draw parallels, sometimes you end up with a "equals" sign.