Thursday, March 02, 2006

It Polls for Thee

The steamship NewsMax, thought to be unsinkable, irreparably damaged after striking an icy-cold FACT, begins its tortured journey into the abyss.
Only the most privileged of those "on-board" survived. Over 1400 other souls, most of them in steerage, went down with the ship--ironically in plain sight of the rescue ships, "Reason" and "Logic".

Should U.A.E. Firm Run US Ports?, one of America's leading online news services, is conducting an urgent national online poll.
Days after ABC News asked the question in a representative poll and found that 70% said NO!
NewsMax will provide the results of this poll to major media.
Who have already recieved the ABC News poll that found that 70% said NO!
Additionally, NewsMax's results will be shared with every major radio talk show host in America.
Limbaugh, O'Reilly, Hannity, Medved, Savage etc....
NewsMax reports have been cited by national major media, including Fox News, CNN and MSNBC.
"Cited" aint always a good thing. People get cited for parking tickets and speeding, you know. They are called citations, and they ain't always diplomas or engraved lucite doo-dads honoring a job well done.
Don't miss this opportunity to let your voice be heard! Many media outlets and national leaders are interested in your opinion. (But not the President) Hundreds of media outlets have reported on NewsMax's online polls. (And handfuls of them don't think they are crap!) Your vote does count! (except when it really counts).
NewsMax is conducting one of the first online polls about the U.S. approved deal to allow a U.A.E. firm to operate 6 U.S. ports. (You know, the deal that isn't actually approved yet and that 70% of the public don't want to have approved, and by "one of the first" we mean, like, the twentieth)
We want to know what you really think about this controversy. (Because all the other polls are clearly unscientific and the majority of Republicans who oppose the deal are just confused) Key media sources and others want to know your opinion. (Since when?) Vote today! (And while you are at it, why not vote on who has done more for world peace--Jesus or George Bush?)


Red Tory said...

Ha! That is priceless. Well, I for one certainly want to delve into their methodology and "weighting" to ensure that it's clearly objective by any mearure and fully represents the the TRUTH.

By the way, I love the premise of them crashing headlong into a cold, hard FACT.

5th Estate said...

"The Onion" did something ages back on the lines of "Giant Metaphor Sinks Ship"--it's in their archives. Now THAT was brilliant! (and no doubt gave me the inspiration). Gotta give the props when they be due!