Eat My Shorts

Long, artfully constructed posts not only have a lot of words but also you have to read them all, and I have to write them all (which is a lot harder), so I thought I’d make you slackers do some work for a change and put-up a number of short posts (collectively entitled Eat My Shorts) and see if you can make sense out of them, so I don't have to (as much).

The New Strategy for Victory In Iraq
“An important part of the American strategy against Al Qaeda in Mesopotamia has been to drive wedges between the group, other insurgent groups and the Sunni population…”
[NY Times 7-19-07]

…by talking trash about everyone I assume? Is it the ‘Poisoning Hearts and Minds’ strategy? Given that none of the Americans seem to speak Arabic, I suspect something’s going to get lost in translation. Still, I’ll give them an ‘F’ for “eFFort”


And You Thought; “At Least Canadians Aren’t Batshit Insane!”
“I adjust and stiffly greet the first man I see. He is a judge, with the craggy self-important charm that slowly consumes any judge. He is from Canada, he declares, and is the founding president of "Canadians Against Suicide Bombing".
Would there be many members of "Canadians For Suicide Bombing?" I ask.
Dismayed, he suggests that yes, there would.”
[Johann Hari reporting from the neocon National Review annual ‘Meet the Crazies’ Cruise] (Recommended reading!)
(Hat-tip to RedTory for this beauty.)

The 'Canadians For Suicide Bombing' don’t have a website probably because they are hiding in a cave in Waziristan and being liberal hippies they are too busy adding suede fringes to their knitted-hemp suicide vests to even have their own blog.
But the Canadians Against Suicide Bombing do have a website and thanks to them there hasn’t been a single Canadian Suicide Bombing since....since... everything changed after 9-11!


And When I Say Our Economy Is Strong, I Mean Strong Like A Wet Paper Bag
“All in all these bloated spending bills will increase government spending by $81.4 billion more than needed. These increases could very well drive up the deficit, increase taxes and ultimately cripple America’s surging economy.”
[John Carter (R-TexAss), taking a dump on The Hill blog, 7-19-07]

Absolutely right, John! It’s only thanks to the hard-work and sacrifices of Big Oil and George Bush alone that spending over $500-billion on a war we still don't need, didn’t cripple our surging economy!


Mother Of Parliaments Gives Birth: Newborn To Be Christened "Democracy"
[UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown] launched a cross-party debate on a new bill of rights that could for the first time enshrine the rights and responsibilities of the citizen. The age of voting could also be reduced to 16 and elections held on Sundays.
Mr. Brown announced his government was surrendering or limiting the executive’s powers over the right to declare war..
There could also be limits on the executive’s power to ratify international treaties, grant pardons and make key public appointments.
[The Guardian]

I can think of thirteen former colonies who might start rethinking that old “give me liberty or give me death” independence thingy.
Now don't you go upsetting yourelf, ducks..here...just sit yourself down and 'ave a nice cup o'tea!

Harry Potter and the Enormous Pile of Political Cash

At the railway station of national politics there appear to be just two trains one can catch---the Republican Zephyr and the Democrat Local.

But unknown to the regular muggle passengers (many of whom seem to pick the wrong train, no matter what) there is another, invisible platform where sits a train waiting patiently to transport those with the gift to see it, to a place of mystery and wonder.

I am of course talking about the Hogwash Express which leaves Platform 9-3/4 % every four years, destination: The Third-Party School Of Magical Politics.

Every four years the school spontaneously burns to the ground and then, Phoenix-like rises from the ashes, re-invigorated, and sets out to challenge political reality with spells and incantations and promises of a new broomstick that will sweep away the cobwebs and dust-bunnies of complacency and banish the soul-stealing status quo to some prison tower, never to be released again.

But rather than increase enrollment with the usual parlor tricks, this semester The Third-Party School Of Magical Politics has created a muggle version of the Mirror of Erised with a new website mysteriously named Unity08 (I’m pretty sure if you jumble the letters and numbers you get to see a unicorn or something).

At this mystic portal ordinary muggles can “vote” for a presidential “ticket” compromising one Democrat and one Republican that will form their desired “dream team” for unity, one destined to confound the traditional party system and usher in a new era where for once politics won’t give you a pounding headache.

As Jim VandeHei of the Washington Post reports, the founders of Unity08 don’t want to create a “Third Party” but instead want to “force Democrats and Republicans to revamp themselves by becoming more issue-focused, responsive and candid.”

"What we are trying to do is to create a forum for people who are in the middle who have been left out of politics."

To accomplish these goals Untity08 is inviting disaffected ‘centrist’ voters, especially the “young”, to bypass the traditional party structures and selection process and choose their own Presidential and Vice-Presidential ticket via an internet ‘ballot’ with the only nod to reality being that one should be a Democrat and one a Republican.

Their theory is that most Americans are fed up with both parties, a belief backed by recent polling data, and are eager to shake up the political process if they can find an outlet.

Noting that about 85 percent of Americans use the Internet, Rafshoon [a Unity08 founder] said that "they can't all be extremists. There has got to be room out there for us."

These old political consultants running Unity08 can’t be this stupid and clueless about how presidential elections actually work.

I think they are just cynically trying to siphon- off cash from what will be a record season for public discontent and political spending. They only need to persuade 2-3% of the electorate to donate to score a few million dollars for themselves.

The Harry Potter fantasy is an original work of entertainment that has provided an unexpected and broad benefit.

The fantasy these Unity08 jokers are offering appears to me to be an unoriginal exploitation of reality with absolutely no benefit to anyone except its founders.

Check out their site here and judge for yourselves.