Greasy Polls Make My Brain Hurt!

After 5 years of intense debate the Gumby Institute (a non-influential all "tank" and no "think" organization) representing around 12 million Americans, in the process of almost forming an opinion.

Why pay for a bacon cheeseburger with large fries and then only suck the ketchup out of the little packet?

That’s what ABC News did in reporting on their latest poll; they ignored the meat and completely missed the errant fingernails and rat feces that make for a truly interesting dining experience.

Well I decided to chew on the whole thing, and here are some of the odd items that got stuck in my teeth.

Whilst Bush’s overall job approval rating is 34%, check out these tidbits:

Iraq: 30%
Economy: 32 %
Energy: 27 %

The Iraq "situation" is wholly owned by Bush (though he still can’t find the receipt), as is the economy (tax cuts, pork, borrowing for Iraq, unemployment, increased health costs, increased poverty etc.) and he has at least "voting shares" in the energy business (Iraq drove up oil prices, no actual incentives to improve efficiencies in production or use).

The poll respondents make very clear that the two most important problems facing the country (by huge margins) are first, the War in Iraq and second, the economy/jobs. Taking those two that would put Bush at 31%!

Energy (or as it’s stated in the raw data the "Gas/heating oil crisis") ranks 9th out of 16 categories (and so needs some kind of weighting I’m not qualified to provide) but as the pollsters put this little list together then Bush's approval rating average comes to 29%!

The pollsters summarized respondent’s views of the national economy thus:

Good: 50%
Bad: 48%

But looking at the raw data 45% rate it as "fairly good" and 33% as "fairly bad".
Bush has insisted that the economy is strong and getting stronger.
"Strong" is the term the pollsters should have used.

The pollsters, having parsed the issue in their questioing. then just lumped the data together failing to note that the extremes of "very good" and "very bad" reulted in three times as many people responding "very bad" than "very good."

Anyhoo, let’s get to the really chewy bits, the mystery meat:

Q.15: "Is your opinion of Bush favorable, not favorable, undecided or haven’t you heard enough about Bush to have an opinion?"
Ans: 14 % undecided and 3% haven’t heard enough!

Q.75: "Do you think Saddam Hussein was personally involved in the September 11th attacks?"
Ans: 29% say Yes, 14% don’t know!

Oh yes, and a hardcore average 8% of all respondents (statistically representing something like 12 million voters) don’t know nothin’ ‘bout nothin’ or had no opinion. I guess the pollsters just didn’t ask them anything relevant, like "do you want fries with that?"

The answer of course is "My brain hurts!".

(okay, I admit I've horribly mixed my analogies/metaphors here, but it's not like I get paid to do this, you know?)

Captain Future

I was going to work on this a little bit more, but as usual the antics of the Bush Administration added layers of absurdity that I couldn't completely address in just one image.

So dear readers it's up to you to determine whether the vampire bat represents the Constitution, the Republican rebellion, terrorists etc.

It's also your choice as to whether the vacuum-cleaner powered chair Bush seems to be controlling represents alternative energy sources, the Supreme Court, or a thermos of Jack Daniels essential to hunting trips.

One thing I do know: whatever the hell is going on, it's just plain wrong---like this illustration. So in a way it all makes sense; to someone, somewhere, somehow.

The good news for Bush, according to CBS News’s latest poll is that Bush ("the fun, cute one") has almost double the approval rating of Cheney ("the grumpy, scary one") so I guess Bush may have dodged a bullet there (ahem).

But in the hunt for popular approval it seems he’s still being peppered by birdshot from several directions, and most of the shooters seem to be more sober than usual.

As of now, Bush’s Overall Job Approval Rating is still an impressive 34%.

As the self proclaimed "master of low expectations", he’s doing a "heck of a job."

And speaking of a heck of a job, let’s not forget CBS itself who decided not to highlight in their reporting some other salient results of the full survey, such as:

43% approve of his handling of the "War On Terror"
62% say things are going badly in Iraq
63% say Iraq isn’t worth the cost
53% say removing Hussein wasn’t worth it
54% say it wasn’t "the right thing to do"

But wait, there’s more!

70% disapprove of the Dubai Ports deal!

But let’s not mention that, shall we? Why shoot a guy in the face when he’s down? Presidentin’ is "hard work" after all.

Of course none of this matters to Bush anyway because today’s news is already yesterday’s news, and he’s moving on.

For Bush the present is already the past, the "now" is "then" and when history is written we’ll all be dead.
Polls don’t matter; what matters is the future and to see it you have to squint real hard, just like he does.
He’s Captain Future, Man of Tommorooooowwwwww!

Dubairony

Obliged to counter public criticism of its Dubai Ports International deal, the White House was denied the use of their most trusted attack of "partisan politics!" due to the number of Republicans leading the complaints.
Nor could the Administration claim its critics were selling out on national security, as that was the crux of the objections.
What then could the propagandists come up with to attack their attackers?

All was revealed when on every single Sunday political show the question was posed that the criticisms of the port deal were based solely on "hysteria" and "bigotry".

Since September 11th the Bush cabal has counted on hysteria with dark claims of potential nuclear and biological attacks, releasing "terror alerts" timed to Bush’s dipping poll numbers and painting those who questioned policies and practices as unpatriotic, whilst Bush’s boosters in the media have never hesitated to label all Arabs "sand-monkeys", "ragheads", "Islamo-fascists" and dissident liberals as cowards and traitors—facts that not one of the Sunday talking heads cared to note.

Having traded exclusively on fear, xenophobia and bigotry to maintain and promote their power and policies, the White House is now being hoisted by its own petard.

The hypocrisy of their argument is so transparent it would appear to be a poor political maneuver; but as long the op-eds and talking heads ignore the irony and hypocrisy the White House argument still works in their favor.

The Administration’s public defense of the arrangement obscures the larger issue that the DBI deal is symbolic of the White House’s modus operandi; ignore the public interest and exploit national assets and government resources to make private deals that benefit only the well-connected few.

Dangerous Deficiency

Emperor Rumsfeld demonstrating a prototype of the Mind-Media Melding Confabulator 3000; a device designed not to just confuse and confound only terrorists, but everyone on the planet. Rumsfeld predicts that in just a few years this bulky device will be minaturized to such an extent that it will be no bigger than his own brain, or about the size of a Tic-Tac.


In April of 2004 Rumsfeld praised the emergent "Iraqi Free Press",and by "free" he didn’t mean it in the fiscal sense, he meant it in the independent and editorial sense.

Unfortunately not even a year later in December of 2005 the DoD admitted it had spent $100 million planting news in the Iraqi Free Press. http://tinyurl.com/b5njr

Now, according to Rumsfeld, the US must fight negative images of the West that are poisoning the public view of the US by operating a more effective, 24-hour propaganda machine that exploits satellite TV and the internet, or risk a "dangerous deficiency."

So according to Rumsfeld the way to combat negative views of the US is not to change policies but to change the perception of its policies, and clearly $100 million is insufficient for the task.

Exactly whom does he seek to persuade, and how?
The western allies of the US have their Bush 'boosters' for sure, but they also have a press far more independent and robust than the US at this time, and with a far more skeptical readership and audience.
In the Arab and Muslim world most media is state-owned. The most "independent" and most widely-watched satellite news service in the Middle East and the Muslim world is Al-Jazeera; a news network that has had several correspondents killed by US forces (possibly accidentally or possibly by design) and that has been often described by the White House as being a propaganda wing of terrorist organizations.

Pro-US news in European and Middle Eastern media will be quickly examined and quickly opposed or exposed, given the general public sentiment in both regions.
Rumsfeld’s implied proposal is to throw even more good money after bad whilst denying the implication that his leadership and initiatives thus far are not his fault.

The public view of the US has been "poisoned" not by propaganda but clear evidence of its policies of arrogance, aggression, cheating, fleecing, lying, spying and torture of which Rumsfeld is a major proponent and its principal instrument.

Rumsfeld is not only criminally and willfully ignorant, but obsessed and insane. The "dangerous deficiency" of which Rumsfeld speaks is Rumsfeld himself.

The Art of Writing: Who’s your Dada?

Writing is an art, and of the many "schools" I think my writing could be described as "primitive" (a term used by desperate art dealers and critics to jusify the efforts of grown-ups who still paint like children).

The work of 'writer-artists' such as reporters should fall under the category of "realists" though "impressionist" seems to be closer to the mark these days.

The writings of professional pundits however seems to have developed an entirely new category; the "modern- impressionist-primitive-surrealist" school.
It combines the vapidity of modernism, the myopia of impressionism, the immaturity of the primitive, and the psychotic imagery of surrealism.

I’m sure you are asking yourself, "how can I get my hands on the works of a modern-impressionist-primitive-surrealist to add to my collection, impress my friends and mystify my enemies"?

Well, you won’t find any examples in the $59 Famous Artists Sale this weekend only at the Holiday Inn, exit 23 off the New Jersey Turnpike; BUT you can find what you seek by simply going to the Internets (available on the World Wide Web!)

And how will you know that you are looking at a genuine modern-impressionist-primitive-surrealist piece of work?

Well, if it looks like shit thrown at a wall with a shiny frame around it, it’s genuine!

Of course some of these artists are already well known and command higher prices and each has a distinctive style—Malkin’s works speaks of self-loathing, O’Reilly projects bluster, Coulter always paints with a broad aggressive brush whilst Podhoretz works from the gut, but serious collectors should pay close attention to up-and-comer Neil Cavuto whose latest work (in his so-far underrated "Common Sense" series) lights up the scene like a burning brown paper bag left anonymously on the front porch!

Get a load of "Neil Cavuto’s Common Sense":

"I don't know if you've noticed, but energy prices have been coming down — actually, way down.
Oil, 70 bucks a barrel a couple of months ago, is well under 60 bucks today and likely going lower — mainly because temperatures have been going higher and there's less need for the stuff.
So that's bad news for the folks who churn out the stuff, like oil companies.
They were price gougers yesterday, afterthoughts today.
They made tons of money yesterday, not nearly as much today.
So I'm thinking to myself, what if this continues? What if oil drops like a stone and the oil companies start losing money?
What if it's another early '80s thing and they start shutting down operations and laying off people?
Will anyone notice? Will anyone care?
I suppose not, because oil companies potentially getting gouged is never a story. Us getting gouged — now that's a story!
It is easy to make the oil companies villains, when they're making dough. It hardly seems to rate when they are not.
The oil companies need no lobby. Sometimes I just wonder if they need something else: a fair shake."

A piece of work such as this could keep a scholar occupied for years trying to explain its inspiration and its meaning!

But for the average collector it can be easily downloaded and proudly displayed for all to see.
And just imagine, when your friends come over to your trailer for a soiree featuring Hamburger-Helper S’Mores and Wild Rose and ask, "what’s this piece of shit on your wall?", you can confidently reply with a nonchalant air; ."oh, that? ...it’s just a Cavuto."

Cheney: I Have Al-Quailda In My Sights

I'll apologize in advance for this...it's a rush job but Cheney shooting a man instead of a small defenceless bird ( and blaming it on his victim) offers so many options...this was the best I could come up with at short notice. It is a rich vein and I'm just scratching the surface.


It’s no surprise that the liberal media is using this weekend’s non-news that hunting partner Harry Whittington irresponsibly interjected his face between VP Dick Cheney’s gun and his prey to promote their gay agenda that illegal wiretaps are somehow illegal.

No doubt these so called "journalists" will suddenly change their tune when Dick Cheney single-handedly brings down an Al-Qaida hijacked airliner with his trusty 12-Gauge, probably right around the November mid term elections.

It’s time these defeatist feminazi frenchified flip-floppers learned a thing or two about what it takes to lead and protect this country.

For a start Quail are just like terrorists; they don’t play by the rules. They sneak about and then suddenly attack without warning. They can’t be negotiated with. The only way to defeat them is to surround them and then apply massive firepower from all directions.

Fig 1. Alert Republican citizen soldiers in the act of thwarting a Quail attack.
The operation was a success, as were the subsequent operations to remove buckshot from their faces.

To avoid friendly-fire incidents Quail hunters take great pains to not dress like terrorists or like Quail, hence the bright orange vests and the hats. However intelligence from coalition partners indicate that Quail are actively trying to acquire orange vests and hats and are working on developing their own gun.

Fig 2. If the defeated Quail in the foreground had acquired orange vests and hunting hats, would you have been able to tell the difference? Cheney was probably envisioning just such a scenario when he shot Harry Whittington in the face---Cheney couldn't take the chance that what looked like a 6 foot tall Texan lawyer wasn't in fact a sleeper Quail terrorist.
See, Cheney thinks about about these things so that we don't have to!

Nonetheless Dick Cheney has personally killed or captured at least 70% of Quail leadership and our brave troops are continuing to take the fight to the enemy.


Fig 3. US Marines flushing out a dangerous high-ranking Quail leader in Fallujah, Iraq. The Dragonfire missile pack carried by the marine second from left is indicative of how serious and dangerous Quail hunting can be...these brave men are taking no chances in ensuring the success of their mission.


And in the end we will prevail.



Fig 4. High ranking Quail ,believed to be #3 in the organization, served up in own blood with a sprig of rosemary.

Loony Toons Explained

Because Mohammed has been graphically represented and lampooned in a series of cartoons published by the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten, Muslims across the world have staged dozens of protests---some peaceful and some destructive—demanding some kind of satisfaction for what they see as disrespectful and downright slanderous commentaries on their faith.

The Western media has attempted to explain what’s going on by latching on to four themes:

It’s about freedom of expression
It’s about journalistic responsibility
It’s about cultural sensitivity
Muslim’s are a prickly bunch .


Cue crusty old Robert McGlaughlin: "WRONG!"


What it is actually about is STUPIDITY and POLITICS! (isn’t everything these days?)


The "issue" arose after Danish writer Kare Bluitgen complained he was unable to find an illustrator for his children's book about the Prophet because he said no one dared break an Islamic tenet banning the portrayal of his image.

Kare Bluitgen is an idiot.

Jyllands-Posten asked cartoonists to "draw the Prophet as they saw him", as an assertion of free speech and to reject pressure by Muslims groups to respect their sensitivities" (Read more of this well detailed BBC report

Jyllands-Posten's editors aren't very bright either.

Here’s some telling information about the naievety of the Danish author and the Danish press, from an interview with Danish TV2’s Allan Silberbrandt on Hardball. (No kudos to Timmeh! ; he still demostrates his own special brand of asshole-ocity in the rest of the interview).

SILBERBRANDT: Well, it came about because a publishing house wanted to publish a book for children about Islam. It turned out that they could get nobody to do a drawing of the Prophet Mohammed.
MATTHEWS: Because that‘s considered blasphemous, right?
SILBERBRANDT: Yes. And then in Denmark they said well that can‘t be. Why shouldn‘t we be able to publish a drawing of Mohammed. You have to understand that Danes are not a very religious people and maybe that‘s part of the problem. So they said that‘s OK too, let‘s see if anybody dares, and they did.

That some Muslims would find mere depictions of Mohammed objectionable should have been clear from the outset (despite the benign context for which they were commissioned). The fact that one depiction morphed Mohammed with a bomb was absolutely guaranteed to cause outrage (what the hell, they could have also pictured him naked and eating a ham sandwich).

So that’s the STUPIDTY part, what about the POLITICS?

For a long-winded insight into the real political underpinnings of this turn of events the Daily Kos offers up some context and details (scroll to the second half of the article).

But the real kicker comes from Egyptian e-blogger Sandmonkey who gets to the point much more succinctly than Kos and with a good deal of "authoriteh!". offering some very telling scans of an Egyptian newspaper that also published the cartoons as a straightforward news story back in October 2005 (no calls for boycotting Egypt or the resignation /dismemberment of Al Faqr's editors thus far).

Approximately 180,000 Muslims live in Denmark. When the cartoons were first published Muslim elders and notables expressed their displeasure and concerns and Jyllands-Posten responded with an explanation of the intent behind the publication of the cartoons and apologies for any percieved offense. The Danish muslim communtiy accepted the explanation and the apology and did not go ape-shit in any way.

In summary this whole furore is a politically motivated, manufactured distraction from the fact that the Saudis have once again criminally mismanaged the Hajj---just like Bush distracting the US public from the fact that his criminal mismanagement facilitated 9-11 and continues to endanger US citizens and sew the seeds of further acts of violence and destruction around the world.

Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt, it’s an essential act of demagoguery. But a Danish....is just a Danish ( and quite delicious).

Fun facts about Denmark.

Denmark continually kicked the asses of the Anglo Saxons over several centuries but were smart enough to integrate rather than completely occupy the British Isles. The Danes were superb sailors and boat builders. They set foot on the US continent centuries before Columbus stumbled across a nearby island that he thought was India. Danes also traded in the Mediterranean with Arabs and Romans.

Danes are incredibly tolerant of other peoples and cultures--except for the Swedes. You'll have to ask them--apparently they have good reason. All Danes eat dinner at 6.30 pm sharp, no exceptions. It's the law.

Denmark is a socialist country with a constitutional monarchy which makes no sense whatsoever except to the Danes. and they defend both institutions vigorously.

"Millionaire" is a foreign concept in Denmark. But when Danes retire they all have a comfortable place to live and complete health benefits courtesy of their taxes .Grannies aren't forced to buy cat food to live on---but they do like their fish.

On the whole Danes are freakishly reasonable and thus an embarrassment to almost every other nation in the world. Thank goodness there are only 5 million of them!

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Geeks Gone Wild!

According to the Oakland Tribune Lab Officials Excited by New H-Bomb Project nuclear weapons designers are in par-tay mode after the announcement of a competition to develop the next generation of H-Bombs.


Frankly I’m not too keen on the idea of "excited" nuclear scientists making bombs.


Oppenheimer, realizing the enormity of the first atomic explosion commented by quoting from the ancient Sanskrit text of the Rig Veda: "I am become death", whilst Einstein whose physics inquiries helped make the bomb possible became an ardent opponent of nuclear weapons.

This time around it seems likely that the new generation of bombs will be celebrated with wet lab-coat contests and cries of "fucking awesome!"

Apparently the plan is to make simpler, more reliable and more adaptable thermonuclear warheads.

I’m no luddite; anything that is simpler, more reliable and adaptable is a good thing in my book....

EXCEPT WHEN IT COMES TO BLOWING UP THE WORLD!

Perhaps I'm over-reacting. Apparently some of the scientists haven't forgotten the words of Spiderman's uncle; "with great power comes great responsibility".
So, should the new, simpler and more reliable H-Bomb somehow fall into the hands of terrorists it will be able to be "remotely destroyed or rendered useless."

The notion that a complete thermonuclear device could be "rendered useless" by any means other than blowing it up is simply idiotic.

For a start the radioactive material still could be used for a dirty bomb (more a psychological weapon than a WMD) and the scrap bomb parts could still be sold to those nations pursuing their own nuclear capabilities for research if not for immediate ‘practical’ application.
Secondly it is clear that terrorists HAVE to be within or close to communications (which means population centers) to organize and to be effective in their tactics (which is to attack highly populated targets).
So the only solution is to remotely detonate the stolen bomb, thereby preventing the terrorists of destroying their intended targets but destroying a whole bunch of surrounding and unintended targets in the process.

Give a bunch of bored teenagers 10 billion dollars and the results are predictable--a maelstrom of promiscuity, vomit, abortions, massive hangovers and a multimillion dollar video market supported by middle-aged men who assume that everyone's daughter but their own is a drunken slut.

Give a bunch of bored hydrogen bomb designers 10 billion dollars and the result is much the same—except that when the bomb designers get to par-tay, there won’t be anyone left the morning after to buy the video of Geeks Gone Wild.

Middle East Road Map—Time To Ask For Directions?

Bush: "The people are demanding honest government. The people want services. They want to be able to raise their children in an environment in which they can get a decent education and they can find health care. It's a wake-up call to the leadership "

No, he wasn’t talking about Americans and the Congress. He was talking about the Palestinians who just voted overwhelmingly for Hamas to form their new government.

Back in 2004 at the RNC Convention in New York Bush said:
"As the citizens of Afghanistan and Iraq seize the moment, their example will send a message of hope throughout a vital region. Palestinians will hear the message that democracy and reform are within their reach, and so is peace with our good friend, Israel"

And when he says Israel, he means the country that the newly elected Palestinian Hamas government officially wants to destroy. Neither Bush nor the Israelis will "negotiate with terrorists".

Awkwaaaarrrd!

The Taliban are resurgent in Afghanistan, Iraq is mired in an internecine war and now in Palestine "freedom is on the march" with a vengeance (and a lot of guns).

Call me crazy but this "spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East" isn’t working out too well. And call me insane but this situation isn’t actually Bush’s fault.

But it is his problem.

The check-engine light on the dashboard of the SUV of U.S. Middle East policy is blinking, the "Road Map" is now stuck to the floor with chewing gum and melted Snickers bars, we aren’t in Kansas anymore and there’s a spooky house up ahead.

Time to smack the kids whining "are we there yet?" and ask for directions.

The Years of Living Dangerously

This year every single congressional seat is up for election or re-election.

With the public expressing significant dissatisfaction with Congress as a whole both incumbents and challengers have plenty to worry about.

The Republicans’ prospects are blighted with a lousy economy, an unpopular war, failed domestic programs, the incompetence of appointees, an arrogant President, the infringement of civil liberties and rampant corruption.

Given such liabilities a dead hamster should be able to win handily against a Republican incumbent, let alone a Democrat. By all rights the Democrats need only relax and watch the Republicans drown in their own crapulence before waltzing back into power.

But that seemed to be the case back in 2004, yet Bush and the Republicans stayed in power!
How, you may ask? Well, I know you know, but I’ll tell you anyway:

Bush and the Republicans owned the mass media thereby controlling public debate and quashing criticism and opposition.
They owned all the chairs and majorities on committees and ignored Democrats, thereby denying Democrats the ability to represent their constituents (approx 50% of the voting public) and denying them the opportunity to write and pass laws.
And finally they owned the organization of elections and the machines used by voters, thereby allowing them to manipulate the election in general and the votes in particular.

Now in 2006 with yet more scandals piling up the White House and the Republicans have even more reason to use the power and tactics that have worked for them in the past.
If the Democrats gain a majority, however slight in just the House of Representatives the Republicans will not just lose their dominance, they risk being investigated, subpoenaed and exposed both individually and collectively.

As politically damaging as the Abramoff scandal appears to be it is but one bone from a single skeleton amongst the many in Republican closets.
Rather than shy away from it the Republicans will actually play the issue for all its worth by declaring themselves "born-again" reformers, not just for individual expediency but because it will distract the voting public from the biggest issue of all—the Republicans' intent to utterly destroy democracy.

Having gained complete power of all "checks and balances" (the Executive, the Congress, the Judiciary and the "Fourth Estate") the Republicans have everything to lose, so they won’t be going down without a vicious and dirty fight.
Beyond the support of the MSM in suppressing opposition, defining the debate and manipulating the issues in the Republicans’ favor, the most vital tool at their disposal to maintain power is their control over the election process and the voting machines.

If the Democrats ignore this fact, against all odds the Republicans will once again steal the elections and seal the fate of democracy once and for all.
It is imperative that in every single speech and public utterance in the upcoming election campaigns Democrats must raise the issue of voting verification and transparency. Indeed the issue has to be raised now and kept in the public arena throughout.

Only by incessant reference to voting verification in every public utterance will the Democrats be able to overcome the MSM’s endemic bias and force it to eventually report on the issue.
Otherwise contrary to all expectations, logic and probability the Republican’s will "miraculously" emerge victorious in the very last election we will ever see.

If that happens be assured that two years later America’s first ever king will be anointed to rule over us all, courtesy of "unitary executive power" supported by a "Republican" court.

The Constitution, the Bill of Rights and democracy itself is in grave danger.
The countdown begins now. This year and the next two years will be critical in determining whether the grand experiment of democracy succeeds or fails. These years are the years of living dangerously.