Saturday, February 18, 2006
The Art of Writing: Who’s your Dada?
Writing is an art, and of the many "schools" I think my writing could be described as "primitive" (a term used by desperate art dealers and critics to jusify the efforts of grown-ups who still paint like children).
The work of 'writer-artists' such as reporters should fall under the category of "realists" though "impressionist" seems to be closer to the mark these days.
The writings of professional pundits however seems to have developed an entirely new category; the "modern- impressionist-primitive-surrealist" school.
It combines the vapidity of modernism, the myopia of impressionism, the immaturity of the primitive, and the psychotic imagery of surrealism.
I’m sure you are asking yourself, "how can I get my hands on the works of a modern-impressionist-primitive-surrealist to add to my collection, impress my friends and mystify my enemies"?
Well, you won’t find any examples in the $59 Famous Artists Sale this weekend only at the Holiday Inn, exit 23 off the New Jersey Turnpike; BUT you can find what you seek by simply going to the Internets (available on the World Wide Web!)
And how will you know that you are looking at a genuine modern-impressionist-primitive-surrealist piece of work?
Well, if it looks like shit thrown at a wall with a shiny frame around it, it’s genuine!
Of course some of these artists are already well known and command higher prices and each has a distinctive style—Malkin’s works speaks of self-loathing, O’Reilly projects bluster, Coulter always paints with a broad aggressive brush whilst Podhoretz works from the gut, but serious collectors should pay close attention to up-and-comer Neil Cavuto whose latest work (in his so-far underrated "Common Sense" series) lights up the scene like a burning brown paper bag left anonymously on the front porch!
Get a load of "Neil Cavuto’s Common Sense":
"I don't know if you've noticed, but energy prices have been coming down — actually, way down.
Oil, 70 bucks a barrel a couple of months ago, is well under 60 bucks today and likely going lower — mainly because temperatures have been going higher and there's less need for the stuff.
So that's bad news for the folks who churn out the stuff, like oil companies.
They were price gougers yesterday, afterthoughts today.
They made tons of money yesterday, not nearly as much today.
So I'm thinking to myself, what if this continues? What if oil drops like a stone and the oil companies start losing money?
What if it's another early '80s thing and they start shutting down operations and laying off people?
Will anyone notice? Will anyone care?
I suppose not, because oil companies potentially getting gouged is never a story. Us getting gouged — now that's a story!
It is easy to make the oil companies villains, when they're making dough. It hardly seems to rate when they are not.
The oil companies need no lobby. Sometimes I just wonder if they need something else: a fair shake."
A piece of work such as this could keep a scholar occupied for years trying to explain its inspiration and its meaning!
But for the average collector it can be easily downloaded and proudly displayed for all to see.
And just imagine, when your friends come over to your trailer for a soiree featuring Hamburger-Helper S’Mores and Wild Rose and ask, "what’s this piece of shit on your wall?", you can confidently reply with a nonchalant air; ."oh, that? ...it’s just a Cavuto."