Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Substitute For Another Guy
Scott McLellan at a 2006 press conference indicating the direction of Bush's latest approval ratings.
Note the placard behind his head that reads "whitewashing".
Once Scott McLellan actually leaves the press-gaggle podium for good, he will leave behind an empty, cavernous void; a space where for the past 2 years and 9 months there has always been (excuse me--getting a little choked-up here), Scott.
Of course, he was an empty cavernous void when he took the job in the first place.
But how shall we remember him?
Will it be for the tightness of his shirt-collar that made his pudgy head look like it was constantly on the verge of exploding?
Will it be for the robotic monotony of invented facts and talking points? Or that when challenged one could actually hear the cogs in his head protesting as he tried to move from “drive” through “neutral” to “park” via an improbable “sideways” gear?
For myself I think I’ll remember him most for his pioneering work in communications, wherein he steadfastly refused to actually answer questions and challenged the conventions of logic and history and what it is that constitutes a “discussion”.
Perhaps nothing sums up Scott McLellan as well as how he responded to questions of his own departure.
After he had made the formal announcement on April the 19th he was asked when he’d made the decision to resign. Scott said it was on the 14th. And when had he informed Bush? In the morning of the 17th.
And yet in the afternoon of the 17th when asked “Do you plan to stay on?”, with his resignation already settled and a matter of fact, Scott replied: “Look, I never speculate about personnel matters”.
The Press Secretary isn't supposed to overshadow the President himself, so a lack of personality is an important qualification for the job. But McLellan lacks so much more...he has no spine, no thoughts, no charm, no wit, no....well you name it and he doesn't have it.
McLellan was simply too good at channelling Bush's psychoses, lies, illogic and stupidity, and so his competence of course eventually did him in.
What might the future hold for the man who substituted for a substitute president? He might still be able to 'serve the public'--perhaps by being cemented into part of a New Orleans levee wall?
Of course a book deal with Regnery is possible; what might it be called?
My Stuffed Pet Goat?
Another Million Little Pieces?
I Think We've Discussed That Already?
McLellan has only offered one clue to his immediate future--he's thinking of helping his mommy's political campaign (which is how he got started in the first place). Of course the fact that mommy doesn't want his help because even she is pissed-off with Bush is neither here nor there.
Poor little Scott, I'm afraid, was, is and will remain the ultimate substitute for another guy. And there will never be a substitute for Scott.