Sunday, October 07, 2007

There's No Cancer Like Snow Cancer Like No Cancer I Know!

Tony Snow is planning to write a book on how to deal with cancer.

Finally! Why didn’t anyone think of that before?!

[Google Results 1 - 10 of about 2,140,000 for dealing with cancer]

One way to deal with cancer is to write a book about how to deal with cancer.

You know, a lot of people think cancer can happen to just anybody, but they’re wrong! It can happen to important media-personalities as well, and when it does, their cancer is important too!

So how do important well-paid people deal with their important cancer? They write a book about it! It makes them feel just a whole lot better.

If YOU have cancer you may have thought about writing a book about how to deal with cancer, but don’t bother because you probably aren’t dealing with cancer as well as Tony Snow does so you really should buy his book instead of writing your own, because if you don’t, well then you’re just a heartless bastard who doesn’t care about people who have cancer.


not_over_it said...

I'll buy his book when he writes about being a cancer.

5th Estate said...


again with teh funny!

I'm not glad in any way that he has cancer, its not some kind of poetic justice.
But it doesn't make him special, and it doesn't excuse him for the choices he's made and the lies he's told--on his own behalf (his job was to serve a lying President, so short of quitting, that's what he had to do).

DoctorBoogaloo said...

5Th: I love what you've done with the place. So bright and cheery. It makes The Lunch Counter look like a dank,dingy hole in the wall (which, of course, it is). Maybe I'll get Gordon Ramsay to do a lunch counter makeover.

Carl said...


Sure, 2 million pieces...books, articles, blogposts...have been written about dealing with cancer, BUT none that a Fox Noise viewer would ever read.

not_over_it said...

I would not wish cancer on anyone.

I couldn't!

:taps chin while looking up toward the sky:


Fade said...

Tony Snow Cancer Help Rough draft:
First thngs first= Hope you got yourself some good government healthcare prior to finding out you have cancer.

You Don't? Well. Get Religion.Skip to Chapter 10.

Chapter 1
Everyone knows you defeat cancer just like you defeat Al Quaeda- you invade an organ near the cancer, nuke the entire system until the cancer dies (and hopefully not the organ or the whole system with it).
Chapter 2-6: How Republican conservatism prepared me to face cancer. Tell everyone God and Bush has saved you from the cancerous threat.

Chapter 6
If the procedure actually works, its a triumph for democracy / medical science. If not,just when the bodies got no chance left- you surge in, cut away everything you can for one last ditch effort. If good cells are removed with bad, its just the price you pay.

Chapter 7-9
Don't listen to doctors or pay attention to their fancy-shmancy punditry. You'll know in your gut (especially if you have gut cancer)if the cancer is defeated.

Chapter 10= If god loves you and you aren't a freeloading liberal, the cancer's gone, just like Mine! Yay!

MsJoanne said...

Nothing good insurance and a $168k annual salary (before returning to teevee can't take care of, eh, snowball? You lying sack of shit. If only I could wish it on you. But I can't. That said, it couldn't have happened to a lower piece of shit than you.

Anonymous said...

msjoanne is a sad human being.