Tuesday, July 17, 2007

National Stupidity Estimate

‘The White House, anticipating that it would be accused of choreographing the release of the [National Intelligence Estimate] estimate today to bolster support for its Iraq policy as the Senate debates the war, dismissed the idea today. “We don’t keep it on the shelf and say, ‘Let’s look for a convenient time," Tony Snow the chief White House spokesman, told reporters this morning.’

--writes David Stout of The New York Times who is apparently not intelligent enough to note that the 2004 and 2006 mid-year National Intelligence Estimates which both reported major increases in terrorism and terrorist recruitment were mysteriously not released until after the respective November elections when the GOP ran specifically on its awesome “War on Terrah!” record.

The major thrust of this NIE, according to the keen mind and cut-and-paste skills of ace reporter Stout (and dozens of other Right-clicking reporters) is that:

‘The United States will face “a persistent and evolving terrorist threat” over the next three years, as Al Qaeda continues to plot attacks comparable in scale to those of Sept. 11, 2001’

So let me get this straight:

For the past 4 years we’ve been 'fighting them over there so we don’t have to fight them over here', we were winning the war in Iraq for a couple of those years, we’ve been making progress (that has been “good”, “tremendous”, “steady” “remarkable”—according to Bush, Rice, Cheney etc.) every year, and the world is a safer place without Saddam Hussein and YET…AQ is now bigger and badder-than-ever and planning to unleash another 9-11 in the US in the next three years.

Dang! That makes Bush and the GOP look like assholes, doesn’t it?

Not according to Republican John Boehner who “said that the new intelligence estimate confirms that the administration’s policies have weakened terrorist capabilities” (as per Stout’s article). After all, according to the report;

“We assess that greatly increased worldwide counterterrorism efforts over the past five years have constrained the ability of al-Qa’ida to attack the US Homeland again and have led terrorist groups to perceive the Homeland as a harder target to strike than on 9/11. These measures have helped disrupt known plots against the United States since 9/11."

BUT…according to the NIE:

"We are concerned, however, that this level of international cooperation may wane as
9/11 becomes a more distant memory and perceptions of the threat diverge."

Of course!
Typical fucking worldwide counterterrorism efforts and international cooperationalists!

They’ll be all like: “ 9-what, dude?”
and we’ll be all: “ -11 man! 9-fucking11! Don’t you remember?”
and they’ll go: “that’s sooo 2001 bro, where you at?!”
And we’ll be all in their grill with:
“Hey! It’s not like you got attacked an’ shit, oh-Kaaay?!” and they’ll be like “Whatevuh!” and totally spaz and throw our cell phone into the bushes and then start making-out with the hot foreign chick who totally wanted me to liberate her sweet crude!

Sorry…let me back-up a second.

So it has been “worldwide counterterrorism efforts” that have “constrained the ability of al-Qa’ida to attack the US Homeland again” and that “these measures have helped disrupt known plots against the United States since 9/11” has it?

Well that’s mighty interesting, seeing as the “known plots” against the US over the last five-and-a-half years have been a complete joke (there’s a pretty comprehensive compendium here)
But more interesting is the assessment that “international cooperation may wane”.

Why? Presumably because the ‘international cooperationalists’ prefer mind-destroying surrender-cheese to ginko kenoba, so 9-11 will become “a more distant memory and [their] perceptions of the threat diverge.”

I don’t suppose that the assumed reduction in international cooperation would have anything to do with all the attacks that have been conducted around the world against US allies that are directly attributable to the US invasion and occupation of Iraq and the allies’ involvement in same, would they?
And just maybe protecting the US from another AQ attack is slightly less important than their protecting their own countries, especially as the US has a tendency to completely blow their intelligence operations for the sake of publicity and then claim the credit for thwarted plots whilst doing absolutely nothing to reciprocate and actually making the situation worse.

But never mind!

The US don’t need no stinking international cooperationalists, not now we have a one-and-a-half-page super-extra-detailed analysis of the 6-year long GWOT written by top experts in 14-point Georgia font WITH bullets points to explain to us how, after hundreds of billions of dollars and hundreds of thousands of lives spent making progress, we are still going to be attacked in the next three years because Al Qaeda is not only “proficient with conventional small arms” but they also plan to “continue to try to acquire and employ chemical, biological, radiological, or nuclear material in attacks and would not hesitate to use them”---just like Saddam Hussein, who we killed to protect our freedoms, crush terrorism, spread democracy and make the world and especially the US a safer place by fighting them over there!

And that’s the National Stupidity Estimate.


Carl said...

In fairness to Stout, Snow said they don't look for a convenient time to release NIEs.

It just so happens in 2004 and 2006 that the elections crept in and slapped them upside the head and said "HEY! RELEASE THEM AFTER I'M DONE!"

Nice work, Brit.

Parklife said...

"sweet crude"
high.. larous. I'll be laughing about this all day.

"intelligence estimate confirms that the administration’s policies have weakened terrorist capabilities"

I just hit my own hand with a hammer on purpose to make myself forget I read this.

Parklife said...

Damn you Carl.. I was going to be frist!

Targa said...

That was excellent. I totally enjoyed that.
I love the segue: International cooperationalists serving each other! I could see the hands in the air and the heads bobbing left and right in an almost cocky righteous bad-itude. Beautiful.

I'm telling you, "Mind-destroying Surrender Cheese" could very well be the name of my next album.

5th Estate said...

In fairness to Stout, at least he noted the WH's distinct preparation for the legitimate charge of political opportunism in the release of the NIE ON-TIME for once, despite its inevitable bad news, and then providing Snow's lying dismissive response.

5th Estate said...

ParkLife...glad you liked that--it took me three attempts to get that sentence to work--I totally suck atwhat the lidz r saing ths dayz..but "sweet" just required "crude".

Hope your hand gets better!

5th Estate said...

targa... "serving" ? Ah! Serving!
See I didn't know what the hell you meant at first! :D
Seth Green is my guide for the youthful vernacular but he knows what he's doing.
I'd love to see and hear him explain politics in depth for the kidz and the peeps an whatnot.

Targa said...

heh heh.... Seth does a great Dubya impersonation.

Thanks for adding me to your blogroll.
As the kids say, "Sah-weet!"

Parklife said...

ha.. nice to hear you worked at that one. My hand is feeling better. Its just painful to hear the rhetoric that comes from conservatives these days. Heck, one even tried to convince me that they care about other people or the envior.