Friday, August 11, 2006
TRUE STORIES ON THE INTERNETS!
"Reading from my notes, yor 'onor: in the surprisingly clement weather I pursued the western-oriental genl'man travelling in a south-westerly direction, h'and h'upon appre-ending 'im he admitted to creating a disturbance and startling a neighbour's cat, but declared it was a fair 'cop and that US Middle-Eastern policy was to blame"
UK SAVES US ASS!
Thwarted US-Bound Terror Attack Totally Makes Up For US Saving UK Ass In WWII Say Top Generals.
“We won’t be able to kick the limeys in the nuts with that anymore; I guess we’re even”.
ISLAMOFASCISTS QUESTION FUTURE AFTER LIEBERMAN DEFEAT
Pro-War Lieberman’s Dem. Primary Loss Weakens Terror Foe.
“With Pro-War Joe on the way out, and the general anti-incumbent feeling sweeping the American public, come November we’ll be losing a lot of staunch opponents. Who will be left to hate and fight? What is to become of our glorious Jihad? We might just have to pack it all in”.
HARRIS, LIEBERMAN FORM “BI-PARTISAN INDEPENDENCE” PARTY.
Support to Come From Oft-Ignored Cranky RepubliDem Jews and Wealthy Methodist Ranch-Moms.
“It won’t be the same old politics any more, it’ll be a new kind of politics run by the same old people—but new! Though with some old stuff thrown in too, such as myself and Katherine” said Lieberman. “We’ll be totally independent” said Harris, “of the partisan bickering, the polls, the consultants and advisers, the negative advertising, the net-roots, the PAC’s and the special interests' money, the…the…the money... oh god, the money! ohgodohgodohgod!”
OSAMA ISSUES FATWA ON VIDEO BOOTLEGGERS
Al-Qaida Leader Asserts Intellectual Property Rights Infringement.
“I never got a dime for ‘Death To America’ or ‘The Great Satan’—oh yes, those were mine, but I was young and naïve and I signed the rights away. No more! Either Al Jazeera and all those other media whores of Babylon starting paying me my cut, or from now on I’ll post everything to You Tube and then it’ll be worthless! Ha! No-one makes a profit from OBL! NO ONE! —except Dick Cheney of course.”
REPUBLICANS LEGISLATE TO FIGHT GLOBAL WARMING (WITHOUT BOMBS)
“CHILL” Bill Gives Oil Energy Companies $200 Billion To Research Bigger Ice Cubes More Refreshing Drinks And Gasoline-Powered Air Conditioners.
“That’s $50-billion less than the Kyoto Accord would have cost” said industry spokesman Neil Cavuto, “so don’t go telling me that Big Oil isn’t looking out for the little guy…the shriveled crispy little guy”.