Monday, March 27, 2006
No More Mister Nice-God!
Back in the good old days when God thought people weren’t paying attention he’d whip ‘em back into shape with a good old-fashioned smiting, a plague, a wandering in the desert or making 90-year-old women pregnant. Now that’s the way to get a message out!
But if recent events are anything to go by, the strategy no longer works.
Despite Pat Robertson’s astute observation that the destruction of 9-11 was due to God’s anger with liberals and fags, the majority seemed to think it had something to do with Arab terrorists and Iraq.
When God visited Hurricane Katrina upon the Gulf Coast to punish those who defied him by eating crawfish and playing jazz (NOT a joyful sound unto the Lord by a long shot) the lesson learned was not that God was in charge but that one Michael Brown was.
Now it looks like God is going to be kickin’ it, old school! Having jump-started a global conflict, he’s now dialing up the holy thermostat AND turning on the flood taps to boot. Looks like it’s going to be a 24/7 wrath-athon.
But what about the faithful, you ask? Well being faithful they’re all looking forward to the End Times. And whilst they are waiting they get to stare at a miraculous stain on the I-74 bridge support in Moline, Illinois. As one observer said “Too many things are happening in the world and people are losing their faith and that’s why she’s appearing [The Virgin Mary], she wants people to get their faith back.”
So, if YOU want to be saved from hell on earth just find yourself a stain, stare at it and after a while you won’t notice a thing.