Monday, December 11, 2006

Iraq Study Group Report--Grade: WTF?

It took the Iraq Study group nine-months to compile their report and the main stream media five minutes to sum it all up for the ignorant masses:

“Realists declare Iraq a mess!---Bush’s strategy isn’t working!---The troops can come home in 2008!---Lindsay Lohan is out of control!—Funniest Christmas Home Videos Available Now on DVD!”

It seems Bush hasn’t actually read it; he’s waiting for additional reports which he will then decide not to read all at once before deciding to do nothing until say, January 2008.
Not that the ISG Report shouldn’t be ignored; it is after all nothing more than a political tract garnished with a few statistics and bound together with idiotic suppositions and ludicrous “recommendations”.
Having actually read and then mulled-over the ISG report I offer this summary (which falls far short of the report's actual craptacular inadequacy and sheer poltroonosity, but neither you nor I have all day to really get into it).

ISG SUMMARY

The ISG recommends that the US military should stay in Iraq, put more effort into a training program that is beyond repair to save the country, democracy and freedom and in the meanwhile use their spare time to kill “insurgents” who ipso facto aren’t Iraqi citizens as well but just a bunch of fucking fuckers .
The non-insurgent Iraqis need to stop relying on fucking awesome US expertise and generosity, pull their fucking socks up and get fucking real.
All the countries that were castigated and threatened by the US over the past five years need to get their fucking act together and follow US orders on how to polish the giant steaming turd that Uncle Sam dumped on the porch and then accept whatever tip they get afterwards without whining.
The American public should shut the fuck up because they were the idiots who wanted to go into Iraq in the first place.
The Iraqi public should shut the fuck up because their "government" hasn’t asked the US to leave and even if they do the US won’t leave until their “interests” have been taken care-of and until they’re damn good-and-ready.
And then the Iraqis can have all the fucked-up and radio-fucking-active military equipment that no longer works to defend themselves and their utopian US-supplied democracy.

Once all that’s accomplished our brave and noble troops can finally leave Iraq—for Afghanistan where the situation is grave and deteriorating as militias are running rampant killing innocent civilians, sabotaging reconstruction efforts, undermining the authority of the government and giving safe-haven to terrorists planning attack the United States and freedom-loving democracies everywhere!

The bottom line is this: despite its ballyhooed criticisms of the Bush/Neocon adventure in Iraq the ISG report is nothing more than a cut–and-paste collection of hackneyed theory, spurious assumption, puerile analysis and remnants of neocon fantasy that allows the Bush administration to tread water for the next two years until Dubya inherits the immunities afforded all ex-Presidents.
During that time likely another one thousand US troops will die serving a pointless and irredeemable cause as will thousands more Iraqi civilians trapped in the consequences of US warmongering, political arrogance and ignorance, beyond the help of any sympathetic American soldier or Marine not too busy trying to save their own lives.

To paraphrase Winston Churchill; “Never in the field of human conflict have so few fucked-up so much for so many”. To expect the fuck-ups to abandon their entrenched fuck-uppery and thus un-fuck-up their fuck-up is about as fucked-up as you can get.
There is no “single solution” to the Iraq problem, but there is a course of action obvious to all except the fuck-ups still searching for some benefit from this mother of all fuck-ups, and that is to get the fuck out! Sure, it’s not perfect but really, what the fuck?

6 comments:

Carl said...

True, getting out represents the best policy in terms of the US and our soldiers, but what about afterwards? We sort of have a duty to set things right, wouldn't you agree?

sumo aka said...

I love the way you phrase things...way, way superb! It had me laughing at times. I so agree with what you said...I'm forced to link it of course! To expect the fuck-ups to abandon their entrenched fuck-uppery and thus un-fuck-up their fuck-up is about as fucked-up as you can get. Do I smell Pulitzer in the future?

KEvron said...

"It seems Bush hasn’t actually read it"

i think you mean to say "hasn't actually been read to bush"....

KEvron

sumo said...

Hey!...Merry Christmas!

thepoetryman said...

Fortinbras:
“Where is this sight?”

ThePoetryMan:
This; thy group of men, hungry to achieve legacies,
Stands no chance of correcting Iraq or a son’s failings,
But hell! We must have them stand in as illusion!

Horatio:
“What is it ye would see?
If aught of woe or wonder, cease your search.”

TPM:
Standing there! As freshly whipped dogs; hopeful, pleading,
They bark and huff pretending they’re not burying the truth,
But blast it! They must have us witness their delusions!

Fortinbras:
“This quarry cries on havoc. –Oh proud death!
What feast is toward thine eternal cell,
That thou has so many princes at a shot
So bloodily has struck?”

TPM:
Their combined heads have before mucked up the state,
Delivering feet dripped in the blood of forging empire,
They damn well know it is an oil-slicked pipe dream!

Fortinbras:
…Let us haste to hear it,
And call the noblest to the audience,
For me, with sorrow I embrace my fortune...

TPM:
Why are these two-bit cons coming to the rescue at this instant?
Why not long before the stench of death reared its cloddy head?
They’re two bit swindlers because they get away with murder!

Fortinbras:
I have some rights of memory in this kingdom,
Which now to claim my vantage doth invite me.

TPM:
We’re not so starved that they might force-feed us daydreams,
Nor are we so blind to ignore the convenient roster set to this task.
No! Goddamnit! Their moral compasses have been botched!

Horatio:
Of that I shall have also cause to speak,
And from those mouths whose voice will draw no more.

TPM:
They’ll put a Band-Aid on the country’s cavernous wound.
They need return to their CEO thrones and ranches and lies!
Damn them! They know why they’ve reared their bloody skulls!

Horatio: But let this same be presently perform’d
Even while men’s minds are wild, lest more mischance,
On plots and errors, happen.

TPM:
It’ll take a hell of a lot more brilliance than exists in the group!
They will try and sell us the sky for a measly barrel of oil!
To hell with them; greased wheels set to come off all around!

Fortinbras:
Let four captains
Bear Iraq, like a soldier, to the stage;
For she was likely, had she been put on,
To have prov’d most royally: and for her passage,
The soldiers’ music and the rites of war,
Speak loudly for her.

TPM:
Death’s stench is everywhere and now they hast come to rescue
A world growing lightheaded of such enormous loss of blood!
End their Goddamned trickery that’s set to come `round again!

Fortinbras:
Take up the bodies: -such a sight as this
Becomes the field, but here shows much amiss.

Elderta said...

Yo dude... I just heard you on the Sam Sedar show. Where the hell are you?