Friday, October 20, 2006

Nobody Expects ANOTHER Spanish Inquisition!

The State Department’s chief legal adviser, John Bellinger, (or Cardinal Biggles, as he’s known to his captives) is telling foreign governments that instead of them whining about how the Guantanamo Bay detention center should be closed down, they should all accept custody of the remaining 400-plus detainees so that ...umm…Gitmo can be closed down?

"No one's comfortable with the situation in Guantanamo," he said (presumably alluding to the lack of comfy chairs). "But if we really want to reduce the numbers to send people back, progress cannot be made by just simply saying Guantanamo should be closed. We have to have practical suggestions, practical ways to move forward."
Some suggestions have been put forward such as forcing the detainees to renounce terrorism and become a Viking choir with a limited Spam-based repertoire or turning Camp X-Ray into a cheese-shop, but a top British military officer has rejected them as being “very silly indeed.”

US officials insist there are still ten British residents held in Guantanamo whilst British officials insist there are only…five!…three sir!..three—no,…one! Only one bona-fide British citizen whilst the other nine are probably French kniggets.

However Cardinal Biggles remains adamant in his position that the suspicious goat-herders the US unilaterally invited to spend up-to five years “getting away from it all” (free of charge, by the way—either fiscal or criminal) in a custom built 50-million dollar tropical hideaway have outstayed their welcome and it’s high time the rest of the world come and pick them up because lately their continued freeloading in Cuba at US expense has become abit of a Hispanic Imposition.

And the rest of the world should also stop asking questions about how the detainees were treated too! After all, the US didn’t expect some kind of Spanish Inquisition!


Carl said...

Boil this down to its ultimate logic:

Why would anyone take back any prisoner that wasn't a citizen of its country, and had been seized as a possible terrorist, especially when its likely that person wouldn't have been particularly welcome in the country in the first place?

We're stuck, unless a deal can be had. For what, tho, is the question.

5th Estate said...

well yeah, carl, like you said...but that's an awfully dry observation don't you think?
I mean, if Monty Python sketches can't provide a corollary internal logic and illustrative mien to the mise en scene that is this topsy- turvey world wot we, as 'uman beans, are struggling against to achieve a more perfect one-ness ( as I was saying to Mrs Unnecessary the other day when she was trying to bury the cat), then what, I ask you, is the point?

betmo said...

3 great posts in a row! it is really a shame that the soldiers and the iraqi people themselves have had to go through all of this for what? nada. no- that isn't quite true- halliburton made billions in profits and israel has some new american held military bases in the region. yeah! i find it ironic that folks are concentrating on closing gitmo and not caring or knowing apparently about the other secret prisons around the world where we continue to funnel people. 14,000 or so poor souls who may or may not be guilty of anything other than being brown. sigh. it has been a long 6 years. how was hillary?

moving to amsterdam said...

Speaking of war profiteers - you should see Iraq For Sale - it's awesome.

and no this is not spam - it's genuinely an awesome documentary.

Carl said...


But why is there a penguin on top of the telly???

5th Estate said...

carl...why is there a bush in the Oval office?

betmo...I thought I sent you an e-mail about Hillary: no matter She was in good form--no pandering rhetoric or bravado, just sound argument and plain talk--in contrast to some of her press appearances.

mtamsterdam...yes I've heard of that, and though I've read from various sources quite a bit war profiteering I shall take your recommendedation.

moving to amsterdam said...

i am glad that you will take my "recommendedation" :D

it's being shown around the country - next friday in chicago. you should look into when it will be shown near you.