Monday, April 03, 2006

Robots Are People Too!

Apparently Scott McClellan may soon be given a pink slip (according to CNN).

Faced with an increasingly entrenched national dissatisfaction over foreign and domestic policy it makes perfect sense for the Bush Administration to play to its strengths of rearranging the deckchairs and blaming the messengers but I can’t help feeling that this is beyond the pale.

More than a just a Grima Wormtongue or an Igor, Scott McClellan has been nothing less than Bush’s personal robot—devoid of personality and self awareness, capable only of mimicking speech and following simple programming.

Nonetheless doesn’t he deserve something better than the scrapheap? Has he not faithfully followed Republican Robot Law?

1. A Republican Robot may not injure George Bush or, through inaction, allow a George Bush to come to harm.
2. A Republican Robot must obey orders given it by George Bush or Republicans except where such orders would conflict with the First Law
3. A Republican Robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

I can’t think of a single instance where Scott McClellan has ever short-circuited.

One only has to look at the transcripts of his many press conferences to recognize his steadfast inability to deviate from his internal logic.
Such responses as “I think we’ve discussed that already”, “I think the President made it very clear”, “I’m not willing to conjecture” and of course “I’ll get back to you on that” are testaments to his spokesbot efficiency.

Without direct and simultaneous criticism of McClellan from press and public alike, I just don’t see how he deserves the Michael Brown/Jack Abramoff treatment.

Scott has been more than competent in that not only has he faithfully re-iterated and even reinforced the White House message he has done so without any self-promotion (unlike say Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rice, Ridge, Chertoff, Brown, Harris etc.). Perhaps only Elaine Chao (Secretary of Labor) has been less visible.

I put it to you that getting rid of RoboScott at this stage would be just like “cutting and running” and I’m shocked that our Great Leader might even contemplate such an action. Unless….he’s actually going to be promoted to Director of FEMA!

I’ll bet that’s it! You read it here first!

(Disclaimer: the opinions expressed are not necessarily my own and I reserve “out of context” rights in perpetuity as well as post facto historicus revisionum)


KEvron said...

i say "disassemble!"


eyedoc333 said...

Scotty was doing quite a tap dance today, trying to explain how Bush "declassified" the leaks.

Red Tory said...


It's hard not to want to take Scotty out to the woodshed and beat the living daylights out of him. What a relentlessly drab, horrifically vacant person he is.

Snerd Gronk said...

I tend to agree with Red's take on Scotty persona, but believe what he really needs is to have his 'oil changed', as it were ... say by Helen!


Carl said...

Y'know, I wish I was able to disconnect my brain for even the moment, yet here is Scotty, whose prgramming seems to be able to do it for hours on end...

By the way, Brit, your best friend at Fox had a doozy this week...don't know if you caught it

Snerd Gronk said...

You know, you sit by a post long enough and you'll see its relevance come floating by ...